How To Ask for What You Want

Public speaking — and effective communication in general — is always about preparation. So really, the title of this post should be…

How To Prepare to Ask for What You Want

When You Ask for What You Want, You’re Starting a Negotiation!

You’re not asking for a favor.

You’re not a supplicant, in a one-down position.

Instead, you’re opening a conversation — a negotiation — so that you and the person you’re talking to can find common ground between what they want and what you want.

The classic example of this is asking for a raise. In this situation,

  • I want to maximize my income (or other benefits); and
  • My manager wants to save the company money while keeping me happy enough that I won’t leave.

Knowing that they want to save money and need to keep me happy will help me craft a realistic and effective “ask” — one that,

  • Points out my benefit to the company
  • Gently reminds them that I have other options, and
  • Explains how they can get what they want (a satisfied, productive employee) by giving me what I want (that raise, promotion, plum assignment, etc.)

How do you get to the point where you’re ready to make that pitch?

Here’s a process that will prepare you to ask for what you want. (I’ve carried through with the example of asking for a raise, but the process is equally effective when you want a promotion, an exciting assignment, time off, better working conditions, or help from your family with household chores!)

1. Know Your Value — What do you bring to your company or team that they would otherwise have to do without? What have you accomplished for them? Can you put a dollar figure on the clients you’ve won, the time you’ve saved through good management? Even intangibles like increasing team morale can sometimes be quantified (“our team lost only one member last year; the other teams all lost two or more”)

2. Do Your Research — What do others at your level, in your field, get paid? How fast have others in your company been promoted? Are you being fairly compensated (often, women and people of color are not)?  Should you be making more than others, because you supervise more people, manage more projects, or have special expertise?

3. Develop Your Strategy — You know your manager! Are they best approached at 8am on Monday morning? Over drinks on Thursday night? After a difficult project has wrapped? Should you make an appointment, or have a casual conversation? Do they need time to process, or pressure to decide? And WHAT is the argument that will win them over?

From his success on the sales floor of an automotive dealership  to becoming a veteran trainer and then the adoption of technology for Internet-based marketing, his career has evolved to deliver the skills and tools needed to help consumers. Richie Bello combined his automotive expertise with his robust desire to “take care of the customer first” to become an automotive influencer, published author, and renowned trainer.  Bello absorbed the wants and needs of consumers as he worked up the ladder of the automotive industry.

Over the thirty-five years of his career, he developed strong Internet marketing skills, leading him to developing software solutions that create ease for consumers, and helps dealers improve relationships with customers. Innovation drives success. And, for Bello, it’s in his DNA. took years to come to consumers and arrived in a timely manner, during the 2020 Pandemic. With over 6 million vehicles on the site, features that help consumers deliver, finance and warranty, Bello has met the retail digital age head on.

Bello also is founder of Richie Bello Institute of Leadership and Management, a 501C3 not for profit, dedicated to the recruitment, education and employment of veterans into the automotive industry. Visit


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